This is a personal reflection by Jon Rasmussen, following a Dialogue session on the link between forgiveness and compassion.
Views expressed are purely those of Jon´s, based on His reflections. He do not express views for or by other individuals or groups.
“Comparison is the thief of Joy”
Mark Twain said
As I sit here looking out my window, I come to think of just how differently we view things, well basically everything.
At that present time I sit and reflect of the last session, where we surfaced how we as individuals saw a connection between Forgiveness and Compassion - and the term of judging springs to my mind.
I have noticed over time how I myself have become increasingly aware of how I unconsciously place judgement on things – myself – other people – the surrounding world – or whatever is happening out there.
I have a stronger notice of the fact that with that judgement, also comes different levels of separation, polarization, labeling and discrimination.
In any ways it most certainly can bring a level of rigidity, keeping me as an individual stuck with good or bad views – a spot where I shift to tunnel view, and become blind to the others view of the matter at hand.
Judgement can in deed be very self limiting.
I have come to believe that deeper reflections about what I do in life helps me be more open minded.
Through meditation, I often ask myself “How do you in this present moment judge yourself?”
What narrative am I telling myself about myself.
What are the things I bring with me from an early childhood, to a present work relations. How do I see and judge myself. Am I telling negative things as “you can´t draw” “you are not good at what you do”
Or do I dig even deeper telling myself stuff as “ I am a bad person” “A terrible partner” A bad parent” “You are not worthy of being loved” “you don’t deserve success in life” “your not good enough”
All these negative judgements works as an amplifier to a spiraling self fulfilling prophecy, eventually limiting me, sending me directly on a path of negative mental health.
So I tell myself - "Jon - always be mindful of how you judge yourself -
but also of how you judge the other".
Do you tend to criticize, put blame etc. creating a dividing atmosphere because the other have a different view – don’t contain the same set of values – or because you see them as being wrong – stupid – bad – les than you – not as skilled?
Or maybe you actually see them as being the opposite. As being better than you – that they are superior, creating a sense of fear of not being anything.
This happens all the time for individuals as for groups. Between as within.
This unconscious feeling of being scared, is often leading to attacking the other to establish a level of defense, and thereby security and peace – this is a biological absolutely normal behavior….but it actually never has that result wished for.
This is where we can seek to bring in Compassion, and acceptance.
Through Dialogue and compassionate listening we can try to understand the position of the other.
We become open to the fact that they have a different view, and come to realize that the other might come from a background, full of traumatic and stressful events, giving them a completely different set of competences, to work from, and not to mention a completely different set of lenses which they view the world through.
We all see the world differently, and through compassionate listening we learn to appreciate that, and get to know who the other is completely without judgement.
So even if I do feel that I e.g. am more spiritual aware then the other or vice versa, I accept that, this is how reality is and that it´s ok in this present time and space.
That’s so important – why? - because we unconsciously can put a label on someone as being bad person, and therefore we hold a great responsibility to seek to understand, that this person might be in a difficult position in life- Covid-19 – might come from a conflict zone – might have lost a job – maybe the family is gone? All these stressors that the other act accordingly to, is important to understand – and that label might never be put!
So we have to suspend judgement. Why? Well you would find that most of that we judge others by, is in fact feelings of our own rather them of the other.
The same goes for the way we talk to our self about the world – how do we in fact judge the surrounding world?
Do we tell ourselves that it´s a good place – or a bad place?
The world is often what we make it.
There will always be the same good and bad things no matter where you go. Or maybe it was actually not good or bad – maybe it was the opposite?
Maybe you didn’t stop to see what was underneath the surface of that you encountered?
Seek to understand, and the world will look differently.
Being aware, and bringing compassion to yourself, forgiving that you had those feelings, because they were human, makes us see that other peoples actions come from a place also.
By using Dialogue, and compassionate listening to understand why certain things happened, you show
1: You show Compassion towards your own self and,
2: You show Compassion towards the other, showing you actually care enough to hold their space.
You might even learn from the other, to see the world in a more positive way – maybe you both do?
By awareness you are able to let go of many of those negative thoughts that blure the view ahead.
Accept things as they are, without judgment.
Bring freedom and better connection to yourself and to the other as well.
Key words
Acceptance
Compassion
Forgiveness
Kindness
Understanding
That is where collaboration begins.
This text is also available as a Podcast: https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkLnBvZGJlYW4uY29tL2pvbnJhc211c3NlbmRkcy9mZWVkLnhtbA/episode/am9ucmFzbXVzc2VuZGRzLnBvZGJlYW4uY29tL2U0MGY4ODcxLWQ4MzAtNThhNi1iZjQzLTZjMjU2Nzg5Y2I4NA?sa=X&ved=0CAUQkfYCahcKEwi48N_Br9ztAhUAAAAAHQAAAAAQAQ